What is your answer? Are you single or lonely? Most people do not know the difference. And you can tell which one you are, not based on your answer because we do lie to ourselves-sometimes or all the time as the case may be. Except you are telling yourself the truth. You can know if you are truly single or lonely based on how you live your life right now-your daily life and how you think too. You can also know the answer to the above question based on the reason in your heart on why you REALLY want to be in a relationship.


Let’s start with your daily routine. Do you even have something to do? Do you have something to look forward to every day? Do you have goals, a good plan for your life? Or for something at least that you should be doing. Do you even know what it is that you should be doing?

LONELY is defined as unhappy because of feeling isolated from contact with other people.

The root cause of loneliness is lack of purpose. Or rather, not knowing your purpose because we all have one. Purpose fuels you and ignites your focus. You just can’t be lonely. You can’t even be bored. There’s always something to do. Physically or mentally. And finally, purpose connects you to relationships. You’d know you are not alone. And hence, wouldn’t feel that way. Purpose connects you to your maker. You can’t have the Holy Spirit in you and walk with Jesus and be lonely.

So, finding your purpose is one step to combating loneliness. Another and most important step is getting to know the Father. Having a relationship with Jesus. This isn’t going to church, working in a church and being part of the activities in the church. All of these are imperative and you should do them. But Know God for yourself. Afterwards, invest in quality relationships. Go to places where people who do what looks like what you are called to do are, in terms of events, et cetera. Or better still, join Sapphire Stars Initiative Family on Facebook, Instagram and send us a dm or an email which is at the ‘contact us’ panel.

Remember, to get friends, or quality relationships, make yourself friendly and work on being a quality human.


Next, your thought pattern, this is very important. Do you engage in self-pity? Do you wallow in regrets? Do you think you are not enough? Do you think you made a huge mistake you can never recover from? Or have you held someone (that someone can be you) hostage in your heart through unforgiveness? Do you stop yourself from doing anything-from really living because you think you don’t have a significant other?

Well, honey, STOP IT!

Yes, please do, you are better than that. You are WONDERFULLY AND FEARFULLY MADE, you can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens you. You are chosen, you are a holy nation, you are blessed-beyond your imagination, you are the rich discovering your riches, you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, you are forgiven, you are saved, you are redeemed, you are justified, you are a new person, you serve the God of a fresh start and He has blessed you with a fresh start. You can start again, you can smile again, you can rise again and you can shine, you will shine.

Say that, feel that. Because all of these are what your Holy Father in heaven says about you and how He views you. So start seeing yourself how God sees you today and get off from being lonely and start being single. Really being single. Enjoy the gift. Because singleness is really a gift. (Check out our blog post on ‘making your single life your paradise’)

Finally, you are lonely when you DESPERATELY want to be in a relationship(whether it’s because you think age is not on your side, you need help with bills, you need someone to give you that attention, to love you, care for you, touch you or even make love to you or someone to show off. Whatever the reason). The keyword is desperate. Never be desperate for anything. It puts you at a disadvantage-All the Time. You don’t hear right, see right or act right. Instead, take your time, plan, study and hear the Lord before you move, but never be desperate. (Check out our blog post on ‘why do you really want to be in a relationship?’)

So imagine what happens when you are desperate to be in a relationship. You are obviously trying to get out of a situation you don’t like. If your single life is what you don’t like, then it must be a sorry sight (read our blog post on ‘making your single life your paradise’). And a relationship won’t fix that for you. May I break it to you that you can actually be in a relationship and still be lonely? Loneliness is an inside thing and to fix that, you need to do an inside job. And no second party can fix you. It’s God’s job and your job. God is not a second party, He is the party.

Sister/Brother, do not start a relationship without a purpose that aims to fuel your God-given purpose. An intentional relationship, not one by accident. Not one out of desperation where you both just can’t wait to change your status from single to ‘in a relationship’.

So, are you lonely or are you REALLY single? If you find yourself in any of these scenarios, it is ok. Now, you know better, so do better. It might take time, but you’d get there. It is so worth it to be in a place where you wield your power-your will and your mind. Where you are led by the Spirit not your emotions, where you make decisions based on your vision and purpose.

I’d love to hear from you and chat with you.


Jesus and I are so rooting for you!

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